im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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