god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
