I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
