I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
