I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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