This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
