i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
