If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
