my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
