"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
