it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
