My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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