Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
