bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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