so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
