she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
