Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
