OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
