I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
