Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
