it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize