Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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