it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
