Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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