What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
