he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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