using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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