The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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