What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Success! We fucked roommates!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
