You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
