Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
