im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
