It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
