its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
