She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
