i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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