So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
