I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
