I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
