all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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