sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she smelled like a LAN party
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
