I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
