so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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