Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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