How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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