Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This toilet bowl is my home.
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