I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
