please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
