Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
