I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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