well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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