dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
