you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
