I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
