it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
