A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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