i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
