I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
