I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
