If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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