ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's the barista slut.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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