if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
