if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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