so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
