Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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