i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
