i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
