Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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