I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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