I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
