I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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