Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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