I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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