This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
