too bad you live with your parents still
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
