And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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