i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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